Friday, September 19, 2008

finally its finished...well the title page is anyway,and the album is made from a golden book he used to read to micheal and i ,and my journalling ,which was quite a raw emotional rollercoaster ride last night ,that left me totally drained, and upset.but im supposing its a natural part of grief ...even 35 years im going to share my journalling with you sisters,just to let those who are in this swap know .i am posting this sat .!
my dad passed away when he was 29 years old ,i was 3yrs 8 mths
We missed everything
I missed knowing you
I missed being your child
I missed you teaching me to ride a bike
I missed knowing you as an adult
I missed being a special person in your heart and knowing it
I miss you. I miss you sooooo much
You missed seeing me grow up
You missed me graduating with a degree
You missed cuddling me at night before bed
You missed teaching me how to be a better person
You missed seeing me off on my overseas adventures
and worrying about me…
You missed it!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I just can’t ever seem to let go.
I know it’s not your fault, I know you were robbed
How could that happen to us. It’s not fair and I’ll never get over it…
Why? WHY? Why you.
My daddy, you were my daddy and i didn’t know you enough
I didn’t see you enough. I didn’t get to love you enough
And i am shattered. My heart is broken and its not ever better.35 years later
What i just can’t understand is how come it was you. You know when people say. “It happens for a reason”. Well they can all go fuck off.
Because that’s just bullshit.
We were robbed, you know it, and I know it and it just not fair.
We missed so much
We missed being together as parent and child
We missed being proud of each other
We missed sharing a life
We missed living at the lighthouse
We missed celebrations and presents
We missed being a family with mum and Micheal
We missed so much
And my heart will never be the same.
But you WERE here, and you DID love me
And i will NEVER FORGET your spirit and energy
And i will ALWAYS LOVE YOU and ill always HAVE YOU WITH ME,
Because I feel your presence when I call you
And I see your messages around me.
And I know that you’re proud of me.
And i know you loved your life as a father, a husband and a lighthouse keeper.
And I’ll never stop loving you.
Dad, i will love you for all eternity
Lisa xxx


Anonymous said...

Oh Lisa you have touched my heart.Your words soo strong and loving with the pain of missing your beloved dad.My childhood was so different.I never met my real dad until I was nearly 40.One wonderful day I was lucky to finally have.He died a few weeks later.Robyns_nest.

Leeann said...

Oh Christ i am a dribbling mess now...after reading your journal ling... why because that happened to me too....but it was both my parents.

I just wanted to come over and say thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment... You sure are quite a character and I'm sure we have the boxx retreat? or you look like someone I have meet briefly... thanks...will be back!

Virginia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
miasmummy said...

Heartfelt Witchy, you have touched me...

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed looking through your pages. You have a nice style. I also like the emotion and honesty in your journaling.

bright blessings,
- Marjorie

Anonymous said...

your Dad would be so proud of the beautiful soul that you are ...... he is always with you ..........

gallou said...

I am sad
sad of knowing all that you missed, all that it could not give you….he left so young …
From my small place of France, I'm sending you the light of a candle for him… and full positive waves to help your heart to always open with the life… and to the friends…



Nicole said...

OMG, mate that is soooo moving,
makes you want to hug your kids that little bit tighter just knowing that you might not be here to see them accomplish it all. So thankful that my parents are still here and that I get to see them everyday.

MWAH to you babe and I hope that your having a fabulous night.

Oh and I'm loving the journal cover too.


Deb G said...

You break my heart.Im so sad for you.Hugs to you my friendxxoo.

Michelle Jamieson said...'ve driven me to tears. I'm feeling your pain, babe.
I bet that was hard to write, I found it hard just reading it.

Thinking of you.

Chelle XX

Lauren said...

that is so moving, the words are just amazing....

Anonymous said...

Wow... this is very touching... and now I am a sobby mess with bunched up kleenex in hand, but thank you for sharing this. My dad has been gone for 9 years now and I still feel the pain of loosing him and not having him here. Thank you for reminding me to be grateful for having a full childhood with him. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful and very emotional to share. My parents divorced when i was 5 and I also lost my dad without knowing him. The little golden book will never be the same!

CreativeMe68 said...

This is truly a beautiful ode to your father. He would be so proud! OMG I am so sad, tears are welling in my eyes! Us who have had both parents have something to be so thankful for!!!! Thank you for making me realise that! He will be watching over you all of your life.
I lost my sister when I was 5 and she was 3 and I don't remember too much about her, I do often wonder if she is watching. So Beautiful and Heartfelt Lisa. Top Job as always Luv Shaz

merryheart2 said...

i loved looking through your blog.
your pages are beautiful.

the journaling on the book for your dad was so heartfelt.

Natalia said...

awesome page! the torn edges are so cool and the leaves background..the journalling i just..*sigh*..more than words can describe..*sob*

Karen said...

I know your dad would be so proud of you. I think I'll go give mine a hug tomorrow.

Take care

Anonymous said...

I've sobbed all over my keyboard, you brought forth my grief for my mum who has passed 14.5 years yet the pain is still there and always will. This journal that you have created will be part of your healing but you will always have wounds, just not so deep.

On a happier note, just love your blog Lisa.

AGA said...

Incredibly moving words Lisa... and it stirs up so many emotions about my own family situation.
((hugs)) Aga xx